But for the Grace of God
by Kain Lorhem
Summary: A little tale I wrote quite a while ago, when 01 was all there was. Anyways, it's shounen-ai/yaoi, specifically Taito, and takes place when the kids are still stuck in the digital world. Within are potent dreams, an angsty Yamato, and some sap.


The camp was quiet as the seven Digidestend and their Digimon settled down for the night

**But for the grace of god...**** **

Author's Notes: Ok, so I named this only because that phrase was stuck in my head when I finished this. I could have also named it Deathtrap, because that was the tape in my vcr when I finished this. So, the title is really a toss up. Also, this is for Mel, who I told I would dedicate my first story to, but most likely she will never see this, cause she doesn't know what yaoi is. Much thanks goes to Xiola for betaing an early version of this. Oh yeah, these characters aren't mine, I'm not making any money, yadda yadda yadda. Feedback is much appreciated at [KainLorhem@earthlink.net][1] or just leave a review.

Just to set this up a bit, the kids are still in 01, but a tiny bit older. Kari ain't here yet either. (Yup, it's that old)

I guess this is a cross between something melodramatic and something funny. A melodramatic-romantic comedy, who'd think of that? Ok, I'll turn down the sarcasm

// is in your head 

** is emphasis 

But enough with me rambling, let's get to the story

***

The camp was quiet as the seven digidestend and their Digimon settled down for the night. The only sound that could be heard in the still air was the crackling of the fire as it slowly burned itself out. It looked as if all of them had gone to sleep, but slowly, making sure that everyone else was out, Matt rose from his sleeping bag and tip toed over to a log by the fire.

As he stared into the flickering flames, he really took no notice of them. His mind was on other things. The crystal blue of his eyes shone for a brief moment before he turned away from the fire and wiped his eyes quickly with the sleeve of his shirt. Matt gave one look to where Tai was sleeping; sprawled out as much as he could be in a sleeping bag; and sighed. His hair was in disarray and he seemed to be dreaming of something pleasant as he had a smile on his face.

A fleeting thought entered Matt's mind as he observed Tai, before he cast it out and laid down in his own sleeping bag, for the arduous journey to sleep.

***

_"Tai, I have to tell you... I like you." Matt confessed nervously as he turned away from Tai in the small clearing. __"Matt, I like you too." Tai returned flippantly. He knew that Matt was his friend, he sure didn't need to bring Tai into the forest just to tell him that. __Matt turned quickly as Tai uttered the words, but as he saw the expression on Tai's face Matt realized he didn't understand. __"No Tai, I don't think you understand – I really like you." He blushed red as he said the words, and once again turned away. __"Oh." The full effect of the words had yet to kick in. "Ohhh!" Tai frowned as he considered the implications of that statement. He looked at Matt's back, hunched over in what was apparently fear or sadness and walked towards him. Tai put his gloved arm on Matt's shoulder and turned him towards him. __Matt's blue eyes, clouded over with tears held in, showed a tiny spark of hope, as Matt leaned towards Tai. __"Matt... I d—" Tai was cut off as Matt leaned into him and kissed him. Tai's eyes became wide as Matt snaked his arms around Tai's back, pressing him closer to Matt. As he realized that Tai wasn't reciprocating, Matt opened his eyes, to find a pair of startled brown eyes starting back at him. __"You don't..." Matt's voice was but a bare whisper on the wind. Tai just shook his head mutely. "Ah..." The sound was more like a dejected sigh. Matt shot off deeper into the forest but as Tai tried to follow he found that he couldn't. He was rooted in place, stunned by the revelation. His response to deny had been just pure reflex. __Matt ran as fast as he could through the forest considering the tears that were blurring his vision. His mind was churning with emotion as he thought about what this would do to them. He had confessed his feelings for Tai and he was rejected. Suddenly Matt came out of the forest and into a small clearing by a cliff. The moon had bathed everything in an ephemeral blue glow. A large valley lay before him, and the land was silent as Matt walked up to the edge and sat down to cry silently into the night. __What seemed like days later, he heard footsteps behind him, coming closer and closer. A soft question floated to him, "Matt?"__, and he turned towards the noise. He saw Tai slowly walking towards him, a shy, hesitant look on his face. "Matt?" __He came closer and closer, until Matt could reach out just a tiny bit and touch him. His hand slowly came up from the ground and went towards Tai, inching ever so slowly towards him... "Matt!" __... before he dissolved in a burst of light and he squinted to see Tai through the bright morning sun. _"Matt! Wake up sleepy head, we have to get going." Tai told him and walked away towards Agumon. Matt sat up and allowed himself one moment of wistful remembrance before he shut it out of his mind and got up for the day. *** Night after the night, the dreams haunted him. Over and over he confessed his feelings to Tai, and he always was rejected. Sometimes with gentleness that showed that Tai cared for Matt, sometimes Tai would recoil in revulsion when Matt revealed his affections. But they all ended the same, with rejection. Because of them Matt wasn't getting much sleep, and it showed. His comrades gave him worried looks and the digimon even took notice. The dreams gave Matt no end of heartache and he got worse and worse as the days went on. He became more and more forlorn, and would frequently venture off for long walks by himself through the woods after the group had made camp. It was during one of these walks at which the group came to a silent consensus that Tai, being the leader of their motley group, would go talk to Matt to find out what was bothering him. He took off after Matt and followed his trail.  Tai eventually saw him leaning against a particularly large tree, his eyes closed, and looking up as if wishing for divine intervention. Not wishing to startle Matt, Tai quietly called out his name, "Matt...?" At the sound of Tai's voice, Matt turned towards him and opened his eyes and called out a greeting, "Hey Tai... I guess you want to talk to me, huh?" "Uh, yeah Matt." He replied hesitantly, "It's just you haven't been yourself lately; is it something you want to talk about?" "No, I don't want to talk about it." He spoke in a tone that indicated he wanted the matter closed. "You know, it helps if you talk about it...what ever it is." "In this case I don't think it would help at all." _Especially since it would ruin everything between us!_ "You know Matt, sometimes even if we can't do anything about it, it helps just to get it out and off your shoulders." _You can do something about it because you're it! At that Matt once again looked up to the heavens and struggled for the control that he wasn't sure he had. Sensing his discomfort, Tai put an arm around him, in a friendly gesture._ Matt knew that he would have to tell him something or else he wouldn't leave, but he just couldn't tell him the truth. "It's just... have you ever wanted something _so badly that you can't think about anything else? It just fills your thoughts, and you __know that you're never, __ever going to ever get it?" He said to Tai on the verge of tears, once again._ "I..." "And... and, the dreams! I'm so, _so __close, and at the last moment it's snatched away, and what I want seems so far away!" Matt looked at Tai, with a single silver tear rolling down his cheek, and __just for a moment, he thought he saw his love reciprocated, and then it was gone._ Then, quite suddenly, Tai grabbed Matt, pulled him close, and kissed him. And time simply stood still, until the constraints of breath forced them apart. Tai reached around and pinched Matt's back. "It isn't a dream this time Matt." "I should hope not." Matt replied huskily. And after that first kiss, they just sat on the ground, Matt's head resting gently on Tai's shoulder and stared up at the night sky. *** The group, humans and digimon, minus Tai, Matt, and TK, who had fallen asleep, all sat around a roaring fire wondering about their two missing comrades. The group seemed dejected and almost everyone seemed to just stare listlessly into the fire. "You know, they've been gone a long time... I sure hope they aren't fighting." Sora said, her worry for Tai evident on her face. "I'm sure if they started fighting we would have heard them yelling at each other by now." Mimi said breezily as she focused her attention on her nails. "I wonder what they could be talking about this whole time." Sora wondered. "Well, what ever the problem is, hopefully they are well on their way to fixing it." Izzy interjected. _Yeah, there's been this weird tension between those two since we got here, Joe thought, __I wonder..._ "I don't think it's safe for us to leave those two alone for long, 'cause of all the digimon living in the forest." Agumon expressed his worry over Tai. "Yeah, we really should go see if they're ok." Gabumon chimed in with his worry over Matt. "It would be best if you two went to ascertain the situation, and the fact that you're their digimon it wouldn't seem as if you two were intruding." Izzy said helpfully. So for the safety of both Matt and Tai, Agumon and Gabumon got up and started to follow the trails of their respective human companions. *** "They're gonna start to worry about us, you know," Tai whispered to a drowsy Matt, "we should think about getting up." "Let 'em worry a little while longer," Matt murmured back, "I think we've earned it." "You haven't been getting much sleep have you?" Tai said, his voice part accusatory, part worry. "No...no, not much with the dreams, but I guess I won't have that problem anymore will I?" He phrased the question in a playful manner, but Tai could hear the importance of it. "No Matt, you won't have that problem anymore..." Tai gently stroked Matt's hair with his right hand, "...never again." Tai was perhaps making promises that he would not be able to keep, but, as with everything he did, he gave it his all. "Just get some sleep, I'll be here watching over you, and I can hear if someone comes near us." Matt mumbled a sleepy agreement, and he promptly fell asleep.Tai himself was getting drowsy, being so close to Matt; the body heat was just lulling him to sleep. As he was just on the verge of falling asleep, he heard a noise from the direction of the camp, and so just as he was about to wake Matt up, Tai saw that it was just their digimon. But thinking if the digimon came after them, it wasn't going to be long before the other kids came, he woke Matt any way. "Matty, oh Matty, wake up" "Don't call me that." Matt growled in response to the pet name. "Agumon and Gabumon are here," and at that Matt woke up fully and opened his eyes, "and it probably won't be long before the others come looking for us." "So... what are we going to tell everyone?" Matt said as he stretched languidly. "I... don't think we should tell them," he continued quickly, "I don't want to hurt anyone..." _Sora_, the name went unsaid.  At that, Matt felt a stab of jealousy go through him and he reacted if the name was said. "I know she's your best friend, and we both know that she likes you... a lot." "She is my best friend and I like her... but I don't like her the way I like you Matt." Tai reassured Matt. "And TK... he's too young, he wouldn't understand... and I don't want to hurt him, and well, you know." "Yeah, I do..." They both thought back to that time on that snowy mountain when they came so close to losing their lives. _He told me he knew how I felt... I guess he did understand! It wasn't just about TK, it is so many different things... I wanted to tell him everything then. And that roll down the hill, it was so surreal and of all the positions to hold me down with, did he have to straddle me!? I was so close to telling him everything then... if that cliff hadn't given way... _"Let's go." *** They decided to walk back to camp separately so as not to arouse any suspicions concerning their newfound relationship. Tai went on ahead while Matt stayed behind and talked to Gabumon. "Did you work out with Tai what was bothering you, Matt?" Gabumon asked. "Uh... yeah, I did. We-" Matt hesitated. "It's ok Matt, you can tell me anything." Gabumon reassured him. "Ok, but you can't tell anyone else, not even the digimon, ok?" "Sure Matt, you can trust me." "It's just that... I liked Tai and... I like him a lot. And I thought that he liked Sora! But even if he didn't, a lot of people don't think that boys should like other boys... and I thought maybe if I told him... he'd hate me or something!" Matt was telling everything to Gabumon. "But he didn't! He likes me! I'd love to have everyone know... but I don't want them to freak out and I don't want to hurt Sora... she's been friends with Tai for so long and I know she likes him. So, we're just gonna kinda keep this a secret for now, ok Gabumon?" "Ok Matt, I'm happy that you and Tai worked everything out. And, I want you to know Matt that I'll always be there for you." In an abrupt change of topic Gabumon said, "We should get going now, it's been enough time." Matt gave one last lingering look to the tree where they had sat, "Ok Gabumon," and he started the long walk through the woods back to the camp. *** The assembled group was quiet as they heard the quiet footsteps against the soft foliage of the green forest. The first person to see Tai emerge from the forest was Sora. She jumped up and yelled his name in joy as she ran towards him. The others, who were startled by Sora's sudden outburst, turned to see whom she was running towards. "Tai! Did you work everything out with Matt?" Sora was the first to ask. "Yeah... yeah, I did." Tai hesitantly responded. "That's good. Now everything can get back to normal." Mimi turned her attention back to her nails. "Then where is he?" Joe, being the voice of reason. "Um, he just wanted some time alone to think things over." Tai looked nervously at Sora, who was staring with rapt fascination at an odd mark on his neck. Tai realized what she was looking at with a moment of fear, before he casually adjusted his collar to cover it. The move broke Sora's concentration, and she snapped back into reality. "Tai, could I talk to you for a moment, alone." Sora seemed a little angry as she walked away from the group.

Tai gave a sheepish look to the rest of the kids, and he followed Sora to the far end of the clearing. Inside, he was feeling very apprehensive about what Sora wanted to talk to him about.

As he approached her, she shot him an angry look and said, "I didn't want to say this in front of the others but," Tai waited for the other shoe to drop with a feeling of dread, "did he... did he..."

She leaned even closer to Tai, "...hit you?" And at that Tai let out a huge breath that he didn't even know he was holding. He discarded all the stories in his mind that he created to explain the odd mark, and just went with Sora's. But before he could even respond to her question, Matt came walking into the clearing and the children settled into an uncomfortable silence.

"I guess you all must be wondering what's been goin' on with me..." Matt began uncertainly, "I've just been out of sorts lately, thinking about home and all..."

The others understood what he meant, they all at one time or another had thought about home, and got depressed about it. 

"It's ok Matt, we all think about home sometimes, you just have to try not to let it get you down" Sora said, cheery, which was an about-face of her demeanor just a moment ago.

All of them accepted this as Matt's explanation for being moody for the past couple weeks, all of them that is except Joe.

It's all too convenient. Tai, who is not the best person to go around helping people mentally, got Matt, who, pardon my expression, is the craziest of us all, out of a funk about us all being stranded here. That has got to be one of the most contrived plot points I have ever seen. The kids settled in for a night of rest before they continued their journey. Sora and Mimi were talking; TK dozing comfortably next to Patamon; Izzy was, as always, doing something on his laptop; Tai and Matt were preparing the food; and Joe, well Joe was just observing.

_Look at them. There's no antagonism between them. In fact, it looks as if they're being very friendly towards each other. The causal touches between them, an arm here, an arm there. Joe surreptitiously looked around to see if anyone else was watching them; no one was. __Very interesting._

_So let's recap what we know: Matt has been very moody recently; Matt and Tai have always had a certain tension about them, which could mean many things; Tai and Matt disappear into the woods for a couple of hours and they come back hunky-dory... Oh my god, they're, they're...!_

While Joe had that revelation, all that he said was, "Eep!" Unfortunately for Joe, the rest of the children were attuned to turning at a single noise of distress, so he came under their combined scrutiny.

"What's wrong Joe?" Sora spoke for the whole group.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Joe was quick to reply. They went back to what they were doing.

_Very interesting indeed._

***

The camp was quiet, as everyone had settled down for the night. The fire crackled and threw a warm light on the five people sleeping and the one sitting on the lone log by the fire. Matt stared into the fire, much as he did several weeks ago, his eyes not really seeing them. But this time his thoughts had a much happier connotation. No more helpless yearning for something that he could not have.

Instead, there was a feeling of joy inside him as Tai walked him to put his arms around Matt. He looked up, and with a smirk, acknowledged his lover.

"What'cha thinkin Matt?" Tai asked with a warm tone.

"Oh... nothing, just watching the fire burn." Matt replied.

Tai moved to sit next to Matt, and they just relaxed, reveling in their quiet companionship, sharing the warmth of the fire, and holding each other. The future would bring many things, but they would face them together.

   [1]: mailto:KainLorhem@earthlink.net



End file.
